Today I sank into some sort of ennui, tinged with a bit of melancholy that I suspect may have something to do with the monthly bleed. Having resolved to listen to myself more, I didn't force myself to work. Instead I pottered around the house and cleaned a bit, trying to stay away from my phone because it just makes me more depressed.
It may also be all the reading of the news. Although I'm not on Facebook and am spared of mindless scrolling there, I've realised that my mindless scrolling has latched onto The Guardian and The Star instead. And after a few weeks of doing that, I can confidently say that the news are as such:
- Trump says or does something stupid. People predict his downfall yet he just gets stronger and stronger like a supervillain.
- People are dying, there are record deaths here and there that keep getting broken.
- Selfish people are selfish. Selfish leaders are selfish, representative of their selfish people.
- Rich people and celebrities are getting attacked for their decadence and not being in touch with reality.
- Opinion pieces talk about how we cannot go back to business as usual after this. I think only people like me read them. In the meanwhile everyone around expects everything to go back after lockdowns lift, to how things were a month ago, like how time stopped in Sleeping Beauty's castle.
- Chinese propaganda. American propaganda. American propaganda calling out Chinese propaganda. American stupidity and selfishness working against their own propaganda. Chinese propaganda seems to be having the last laugh.
- Zoom is bad. Yet everybody is still using it, and some are associating it with the propaganda wars between China and America. I just want to use software that prioritises privacy damn it.
- Malaysia's MCO tightens its screws. A little and a little more, day by day. Drones, barbed wires, RM1000 fines, etc.
- Oddly reassuring face of the Malaysian Health DG with the same backdrop appears daily, telling us that we are doing better than projected, but we should not be complacent.
We are now at 4,119 cases, and 65 deaths in Malaysia. Theoretically the MCO ends on 14th April, about six days from now, even though I'm not holding my breath. The government will decide in a couple of days if it will be extended. I think even if the MCO lifts, we will not be going out much given that the risk of contraction is still quite high. Ramadhan bazaars in Federal Territories have been cancelled. I am relieved.
This morning I continued working on my landscape in oil. I think it's looking alright so far. I fixed some of the perspective and neutralised the difference in lighting in different parts of the painting, realising that I had been painting during different times of the day and therefore colours in different parts were not coherent. It is a learning process, and there is so much to learn. The other thing that I've been doing on and off is to pick the solo part of Something by The Beatles on my ukulele. In both cases I'm just enjoying the process and entertaining myself.
The tempeh ragi I ordered has arrived and I think I'll try it out tomorrow. Also I'm sprouting beans for taugeh. I also have a strong urge to bake cookies. Any day now. Maybe tomorrow.